I imagine Britney buzzed on Red Bull and licking Cheetos dust off her fingers, furiously flipping through an Us Weekly story about Whitney leaving Bobby. Suddenly, she has a moment of clarity. “Hey!” Britney exclaims to her ever-expanding brood and the day’s random manny. “Replace the crack with Starbucks, and it’s me and Kevin in 15 years. That’s not cool, y’all!” It’s hard not to appreciate Kevin Federline’s relentless opportunism just a little. From Britney to CSI to sucker-punching wrestler John Cena on WWE Raw, Holmes is repping Fresno pretty hard. Then there’s the music. From the faux Brazilian favela funk of “Popozao” to the equally facetious gangster rap of the wryly titled “America’s Most Hated,” this is about as ridiculous as it gets. Which, of course, is the point.
In contrast, on this very same evening Hovito (AKA Jay-Z) along with his new friends at Budweiser and The Jimmy Kimmel Show, shut down Hollywood Blvd to honor the release of Hov's Kingdom Come album. Regardless where you fall on the hater/fan spectrum, you can't deny there is no one working even half as hard as Jay right now. I mean damn. Is it me, or is he really everywhere at once right now? Today's edition of 106 & Jay on BET was live as hell. Just Blaze, Skateboard P, UGK, Timbo and Mephis Bleek riding shotgun while Jay-Z rolled out ten hits from his past 10 years in the game. On point and hopefully on Youtube by now. Me, I'm not mad at Kingdom Come at all. Disappointed maybe, but not mad...
(Originally published in the LA Weekly, 11/06. Most of it, anyway)
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